The Ever Changing Google Doodle

Google, it's officially used as a word, now a noun. The Google logo might be one of the few brands in the world that changes their logo so often (well online). Kind of a fun link, check out the ever changing Google Doodle

Single Schmingle

So, I'm not the best to talk about this because I'm not single, but when I was it wasn't so bad. No one to check in with, nowhere to be when you didn't want to and lots of fun girl nights! This morning one of the lead articles on CNN.com was all about being single. According to the article 46% of Adults 18+ are single. Is this why there is so much rage about "Cougars" these days?

What is a "Cougar", no it's not that cat but it's an older woman dating a younger man. This isn't a new phenomena, it's been going on for years - just take a look at Anna Nicole Smith (ok, low blow). But more and more older women are starting to date younger men. Let's look at Demi Moore, she's smart, she married Ashton Kutcher who is hot hot hot and much younger than she is. More power to ya sister, why not go to pound town with a hot young dude than a hot older dude = more fun!

Things like "Cougar Bars" and "Cougar Clothes" actually exist. But in all reality when did this Cougar things start sweeping the nation. Why do only women who are single and 40+get a cat like name, what about everyone else? I mean according to CNN for every 100 single women there are only 88 single men, so there are a lot of single women out there.

One of my latest conversations with Paul was all about why women who are single get named a different type of cat depending on their age - I mean who knew it would come to this? So here is what we came up with.

Basically, it goes Puma, Cougar and the Jaguar. We aren't sure why we chose puma over Lynx or Panther or one of the other beautiful cats but we did. Maybe it's because Puma's are for single 30 year olds and Puma's are fast and a trendy brand in shoes? They like to chase down meat. Why the Jaguar then? Well Jaguar is a term for 50+ and Jaguar cars are poised and represent older generations. Plus they are elusive,somewhat like older single women. I mean every year I go to Florida I see a sign to watch out for Panthers, but they are so elusive I have never ever seen one.

We didn't come up for anything after Jaguar....maybe it would be a Calico cat or something more close to home and prefers to eat out of crystal bowls than chase down dinner. With all the singles out there someone has got to be making money off them right? Of course, with over 904 dating services out there employing 4,300 people it's big business. According to CNN in 2002 it was a $489M business, imagine what it is now.

What Does This Mean?

I don't know how this video escaped me all these years but it is hilarious! My first week of work consisted of a lot, including meeting the client, research, BBQs, Happy Hours and one funny breakfast at IHOP where I learned about this video.

You have to listen to the sound to find it funny. Then imagine watching this at IHOP on an iPhone and people can't see what you're watching they can only hear it. ENJOY!

VRRROOOOMMMMM

It's kind of been a theme this summer, time is flying an I can't keep up with is. Since last post a lot of things have happened and I will recap them below, some will be featured on later post when I feel like I have a second to catch up!

• My name is officially on the Gigglemoor totem pole, meaning I am officially in the family
• Celebrated the 4th in Gigglemoor with Annie, Amy, Jim, MB, Billy and family friend Roz
• Went to Sanible with my family for a week! We had the best time ever. Lots of fishing, eating, partying, swimming and all around good times!
• Celebrated my brother's 30th in Key West for the weekend.
• Big one, accepted a new job at Brandimage and start in about 2 weeks.
• Will be departing SparkPeople and really miss people.
• Went to Lexington and crashed a wedding, decided we didn't like the band for our wedding. Ate a piece of really bad wedding cake.

What Happened to May?

Ummmm I'm not sure either? All I know is this morning I thought, you know, I don't think I blogged at all in May. I looked back and yep - I barely did.

SO, what's been keeping me busy? Honestly, I think it's just that it's warm weather and summer activities are happening. I have sports 3 nights a week, something for a wedding or my own wedding on the weekends and then work stuff. Plus, Jim's sisters were both in town last week and that meant something to do every single night - which I loved!

Too much has happened to catch up on it all so the big events are as follows:

• I set a date and location for my wedding - 5-21-11
  
• I got my dress!
  
• We are heading to Gigglemoor for my annual birthday celebration this weekend and I can't wait!

25 Things

So things have still been crazy and I've been slacking on the blog - I know! But Jim's sister Mary Jesse graduation college this weekend, I"m heading to Buffett tonight and all things seem to hit at once. With that being said, a lot of good blogs coming up!

In the meantime, I got this note on Facebook awhile back and liked it. I liked reading other people's things and I liked sharing...so enjoy, 25 things you may not have known about me.

1. I like to scare people. I like jumping out at people, hiding in scary places and doing anything to give people that “wah wah” feeling.
2. I was in a movie, Milk Money and had a big part – my face takes up the whole screen. 2 weeks off school and lotsa money at 12 - so was awesome.
3. I was on Oprah. Well asked a question and was featured. David Copperfield was the guest and they pre-screened who asked and the question. I was 15.
4. Aside from what people think, I’m pretty good at holding secrets.
5. I cannot stand the feeling of things rubbing on my front teeth . Paper towels, food and even carpet – Yes, it bothered me so much that I had to try rubbing them on carpet- it’s weird but true.
6. I was in Nairobi when they sentenced several of those involved in the US Embassy bombing in 1998. This was in 2001 and prior to 9/11 and it was still very unsafe. We were told not to leave our hotel and we would leave first thing in the morning.
7. I hate when things snag on my nails, like clothes or wool. I tend to avoid wool because of this.
8. My family and I were once stranded at sea. Our boat sprung a leak and we made it to an abandoned island and waited for help.
9. I laugh at inappropriate times. Like when people are injured or anything should be taken seriously.
10. I was in the middle of a two country revolutions, one violent and one not so much. I traveled with my Mom and another woman to the jungles of Costa Rica and the country revolted against the electric company and caused fighting and violence among it’s own people. We had to be escorted out and walk miles with protected guards because roads were closed. Unfortunately, all film and memory of this trip was lost due to stolen luggage and it never made the news in the states. Second time was in Belize and the country was refusing to pay the high rates on gas so the electric company would shut off power and water supply randomly. Not so violent but awfully annoying.
11. In high school my car had a Mickey Mouse decal painted on. It was a used car and my parents so nicely bought it for me so can't complain, but hated that Mickey.
12. I still get scared walking up stairs that someone is chasing me. I often times sprint up them.
13. I used to have my right eyebrow pierced.
14. I believe those who have passed can contact us and have been contacted by my Dad. I had a series of weird, random events including vivid dreams and him guiding me places. I saw an angel lady because it spooked me a bit and then I was comforted by it.
15. On that note, the family who moved into the house he passed away in, where we used to live, had the house “cleansed” because she often felt his presence and claimed she saw him once. I guess that’s an exorcism with the priest and all?
16. I absolutely cannot stand anything with bones – broken bones, bruised bones or bones touching. Don’t even get me started on banging together wrist or ankle bones.
17. I worked almost my entire time at college, not because I had to, but because I wanted to and it seemed right. I saved all this money and traveled to places I never imagined I would go, like Andorra.
18. Scuba Diving and being underwater is extremely peaceful for me. I like the sound and the feeling of being so small in such a amazing place.
19. My brother and I were featured on the cover of Super Shopper and I look older in that picture at 10, then I do know at
20. I have been hit by a drunk driver note once, but three times. And one time the drunk driver not only ran into the back of me full speed, but she proceeded to reverse and run into the back of me two more times before someone finally stopped her.
21. I have little to no control over what I say sometimes. I think it shocks a lot of people.
22. I have held a shark that I lured in with a fish head. The shark was about 5 feet and very rough.
23. I am actually a shy person until I get to know you, sometimes it comes across as mean but I don’t mean it to.
24. I’ve always had a dream to write a book about my life. I think it could be well rounded with ups and downs, funny parts, sad parts and the kind of family everyone could relate to. I imagine myself as a best seller.
25. My biggest fear is being alone. I am a very social person and like people around.

Picture Paints A Thousand Words

Over the weekend I was hanging with one of my friends who was cracking up at a picture another one of our friends sent us via text. All of us get these all the time and they crack us up so I though I would share a few of them that make me laugh when I see them. I have a ton more but they are really not Internet appropriate.

Photo #1
Yep that's me barefoot and shoeless in a bar at about 1A. Right before this photo was snapped I turned to my friend and said "I just wanna dance". And this came after - dancing shoeless in a bar hair flipping, booty popping and dropping - Sunday was awful!



Photo #2
This was a Jimmy Buffet concert so enough should be said about this photo. This was taken after many Corona's, tequila shots and baking in the parking lot sun for hours. At this point in the day I think I had just enough partying in me I was actually considering kissing his parrot.


Photo #3
This is me in Jodie's car, Tiffany or Penny (I can't remember), mocking the neck rest in the backseat for those long car rides she apparently goes on. We were laughing not only at the neck rest but also remembering that in high school I had a Mickey Mouse painted onto the bumper of my Honda (it came with the car). This night ended up just as funny as it started - good times!

Photo #4

A practical joke pulled on Paul at the office. We found an old bottle of wine that looked like urine so we put it in this mason jar with a cute little note to HR: Dear Rachel, Your office was locked so here's my "sample" there shouldn't be a problem. Ps. Sorry, I had asparagus for lunch.

Photo #5 & 6
I truly love my dog Chili so I couldn't not have a photo of her in here. Photo 5 is Chili monster getting ready to fly home from Gigglemoor. She's is pretty spoiled and only flies private so here she is all strapped in the back seat ready to go. Photo 6 is Jim and Chili in the Giggle Truck just being cute, I love them so much!

Googling Yourself

If you haven't done it yet than you are lying, everyone Googles themselves. If you haven't done it yet and you aren't lying than you better do it - it's the best way to know what's out their about yourself and to try to control it. If you've never Googled your lover, do it! Anytime you are meeting someone personally and especially business contacts get to know them first (there is nothing wrong with this)!

I work for an Internet company, am on Facebook, have a blog, Tweet, etc. so I'm going to be out there a lot. Plus, I've done a lot of things recently that have been featured in press related items so my name comes up a lot. And the biggest topper, my last name is really unique UHLMANSIEK.

My last name is the topic of conversation whenever I meet someone. Where are you from, how many of them are there, etc. Well to be honest, not that many (that I know of) - as a matter of fact my immediate family and grandparents are the only ones I know. My Dad was an only child his dad was an only child so the name has been kept pretty tight. My brother has a lot weighing on his shoulders so get to it!

Anyhoo, the whole point of this blog is that I Googled myself yesterday just to do a check and decided to click on the image link too. Well low and behold the third picture amid all the correct pictures was the one featured to the right. Another Jenny Uhlmansiek and she's on Facebook- WHAT?

So I did some more Internet stalking and found nothing. This poor girl has to compete with my name and all the stuff on the Internet for SparkPeople so gets little to no love from Google. So I went back and forth on friending her on Facebook but finally decided not to. Part of my decision was that one of the only groups she belongs to is "safe connections" - meaning she probably doesn't accept strangers and only having 100 Facebook friends should probably tell me that.

Other Jenny Uhlmansiek if you read this blog and would like to be friends feel free to be my Facebook friend, I won't find it weird.

Happy April Fool's Day

I saw this ad the other day and it made me laugh. It's April Fool's Day and I could put a good joke in here but I got nothing so instead enjoy this joke.

Rough Rider

The trend in jeans for awhile was to keep things low, low riders, hip huggers, butt crack viewers, etc. I'm going to admit I struggle with this too, because a lot of jeans I put on I love but when I bend over without a belt everyone can view my moneymaker.

Well, a Japanese fashion designer has come up with a solution, the Bikini Jean! She designed this lovely fashion jean because women complained about having trouble keeping their low rise jeans up, so she created a pair that acts as underwear and jeans.

If you want a pair you can get them for the low price of $88. I'm not sure I'd really want to rock these out in public and can only imagine how painful they might be on your lady parts - GROSS!

Remember ladies, not every trend is for everyone as this lady show us below.

Dog Park Days

Having a dog means you scout out good dog parks. Here in Cincinnati, we have quite a few. The new upscale Wags out in Batavia, Otto Armleder near Lunken and then other smaller parks scattered across the city. I have not been to Wags yet, but with an annual fee over $300 and being more than a 30 minutes drive from my house odds are I may never make it. I frequent the Otto Armleder park, it's free, clean, big and about 10 minutes from my house.

With the weather warming the dog park has been jumping (no pun intended). I've begun to notice common trends each time I go there that I find funny. So here you go, things to be aware of if you go to a dog park:

1. Make sure I get plastic at the grocery store. These are free pooper scoopers which in the end makes it earth friendly! In the summer the “supply” provided is always empty. I don’t want to be the as$h%le that doesn’t pick up her dogs’s biz and casually looks the other way as if engaged in the birds flying overhead. Nothing is worse than running through dog poop or even worse, your dog rolling in it.
   


2. Create an escape plan from the single men that go there purely to hit on women.You know who you are. Every time you encourage your dog to play with mine or another woman standing alone and then walk over and strike up a conversation. This without fail turns into “you live around here” sort of situation. If you know me, I’m nice, I don’t like to be rude and I tend to fall into this trap. Two hours later I’m the girl faking a phone call to escape. I need to have a plan.



3. Prepare an avoidance plan from #2 when you see them immediately upon your next entrance (because you have for sure disclosed when you come to the dog park and they now have your schedule).



4. Remember dog names better. Every time I go the same dogs are there with the same owners and Chili, like me, appreciates a friendly face. She will run up to the dog, chase them around and off they go. Which leads to conversation with the owner and they always remember Chili’s name…and I am the jerk saying, what’s your dog’s name again?



5. KNEES BENT I’ve seen people be taken out on stretchers and knocked on their butts. Chili has a really bad habit of running into the back of people’s legs – which has caused quite a stir when she took out some chick once, I felt bad, but it’s a dog park – KNEES BENT and be alert.



6. Let dogs be dogs. They growl, bite, drool, wrestle and much more…it’s all part of the game. It’s like a bar, if a real fight is brewing, other dogs will circle and then you know to pull your buddy away. I don’t like people who are too concerned when their dog growls or wrestle and immediately pulls their dog away and gives you a mean look. Clearly rookies!

So, to my long afternoons where a strong wind blows in the scent of overheated dog poop, dog drool on my pants is the norm and strategically avoiding people is my M.O.

I Don’t Throw Stones Often But….

I just read this article about a woman who has set a goal for herself to weigh 1,000 pounds! Donna Simpson, from New Jersey, already holds a Guinness World Record as the world’s biggest Mom, weighing 520 lbs when she gave birth to her daughter, but this isn’t a big enough goal for her – she is dreaming big!

Donna now weighs 600 pounds, or 43 stones (which being US, I had to look up what a stone meant – 1 stone = 14 lbs), and claims she is healthy. She refuses to be told she is unhealthy and will not listen to doctors. She wears 7XL dresses, eats 12,000 calories a day, tries to move as little as possible and must ride a scooter around when doing her shopping. The one thing that makes her move and she believes is keeping her weight down, chasing her daughter!

WTF? Chasing your daughter is keeping your weight down? Is this lady nuts? This should be like her sign from above, you have a child, get healthy and stop being so selfish? Don’t you get it, your kid needs you and being 600 pounds and only able to move 20 ft at a time without sitting is a problem. I could rant on this one forever, but this child should be taken from her, clearly she is too selfish to own even a plant (which should would most likely end up eating).

Donna isn’t doing this alone, she has a lover who actually encourages her to eat more. They met on a website for dating plus-size people, which shocked me that these even exist. Her lover, Philippe (150lbs) , only dates women who weigh 400 pounds or more! This is just SICK! I mean, how can they even make love? The fact that there are people out there who are encouraging people to become obese and not do a thing about it is wrong. However, even worse, there are people out there funding her problem.

It cost her around $750 a week to eat, which is funded from a website where men pay to watch her eat. Ok, so there are a lot of freaks out there, but really a group of people enjoy watching an overweight women gorge herself with Big Macs? When asked how she feels about it she has no remorse or blame. She feels she was meant to be fat and tried dieting but it never worked. As Donna states, “I love eating and people love watching me eat, It makes people happy, and I’m not harming anyone.”

Well, technically you are harming people. You are releasing lots of Big Mac gas into the air, your daughter doesn’t really have a Mom who is a role model, when you die from a heart attack New Jersey tax dollars are going to fund the crane it will take to get you out of your house and 50 paramedics it will require to get you the morgue. I mean, seriously, I understand that not everyone is fit, enjoys living a healthy lifestyle but setting a goal to be the fattest woman in the world? Just ridiculous!

What Would You Say?

I haven’t mention Paul recently, but he gave me this great idea for a blog the other day. We were working out in the back room at work and the conversation about Navy Seals came up. Basically, we were talking about how tough they are and the training they have to go through. The term “SEAL” comes from their mission to be able to operate anywhere in the world: Sea, Air, and Land –I mean that just shows they are trained and able to conquer anything!

One caveat, you must be a male to be a Navy Seal. At first I was curious why can’t a female be a Navy Seal so I did a lot of research and the best answer I came up with can be found here – but the gist is men are stronger, personal hygiene reasons and physical capabilities. Even though I’m all about equality it makes sense to me and probably is accurate. Other thing, you have to be ready to get your butt kicked for months on end. Click here to learn more about it but if carrying logs, 4 hours of sleep in 5 days, working out in freezing water temperatures and basically self torture are things you are into then this it the job for you!

So why is all this talk of Navy Seals leading into the point of my blog – well Navy Seals have a lot of motto's, such as "The only easy day was yesterday!" After talking about all the stuff they do and how everything is so extreme, it was brought up that they do everything hotter and wetter. Of course we got a good laugh out of this one and a good “that’s what she said”. And the next thing you know we were talking about how that should be a bumper sticker on my car, “I do everything hotter and wetter”.

Car bumper stickers, whatever happened to those? Personally, I’m not a big fan of promoting things on my car but sometimes it is acceptable. For example, having a college sticker when you are in college on your car. Things I don’t find acceptable: political or religious view bumper stickers, bumper stickers letting me know you child is a straight A student or stickers telling me your opinion on war. Apparently others don’t like political stickers either, it can get you kicked out of events!

However, if I were forced to select a bumper sticker it would be a reflection of our conversation around Navy Seals – I do everything hotter and wetter. Imagine the conversation people would have about that when they pulled up behind me. Then when they drive by and glance at the crazy person with this sticker they come to find a normal looking girl probably wearing workout clothes and a sweaty headband.

Just for kicks, the picture below is a bumper sticker I found online. It is true and cracks me up, anyone I know with a truck and I’m moving I’m gonna hit you up! What would your bumper sticker say?

6 Days and Counting...

Until Lost – it’s all I can think about…well not really.

I’m also shamelessly addicted to a lot of bad reality TV shows that are totally mindless and do nothing for you but I enjoy watching them – like The Bachelor. Every Monday night I get really excited to watch it – as cheesy as that is. I think it’s because I get really embarrassed for the people on TV but can’t turn my eyes away. The totally predictable drama and over dramatic music is just amazing! I’m pulling for Tenley or Allie, definitely not Vienna!

In honor of Snookie and reality TV watch the infamous punch in a silly remake involving puppies!

When Bored...

You could always Facebook Stalk. Everyone does it, by joining you open yourself up to be stalked and then you chat about the craziness later with your closest friends. I came across this Bingo chart on HolyTaco.com that made me laugh. The only thing missing is "When engaged all they talk about for next year is wedding" - I know a chick doing that now and she is about to get defriended, enough with the about to go from Miss to Mrs. and Husband to Be - guess what, I get it, I don't care enough already!

A Prank Gone Right

Remember when we were kids and prank calling people was like the #1 priority for a slumber party. All the typical “is your refrigerator running,” “You’ve won a million dollars” and “Hi, is Ivanna Tinkle home?” It was so much fun and the risk associated with it was enough to get your adrenaline pumping even more after all those chocolate sundaes and teeny bopper magazines.

Then the telephone companies had to go and ruin it all with *67 (hello 1990s) and then with the caller ID. Making a prank call these days is virtually impossible. Unless you are really sly and have money to waste and continue to buy pre-paid phones so your number changes everytime – geez folks, get with it. Now that I’m older I love caller ID, I decide when, if and who I want to talk to – screen away (don’t lie, you all do it)! But as a kid, this must just totally suck!

Well, I found this article about a New Year prank that has been going on for years with a surprising ending. For some reason I found the story cute and touching, maybe it’s because I have a soft heart for older men and the man in this video is too cute. You can read the full article here, but the gist is below and the video goes with it.

A young lad and his sister decide to prank call one evening back in 1973. The man on the receiving end is actually pretty nice and understanding and simply says after several calls, “I’m about to eat dinner with my wife, can you call back later?” The kid replies, “sure, next year.” And there you have it, the tradition starts and continues for 30 years.

Now, 46 the prankster decides to pay a visit to the man he calls every NYE that all started with a prank call. They have become friends and the video captures their first meeting. It’s very heart warming. So enjoy!

Sincerely,
Guest Write Seymour Butz

 

Where Did Summer Go

Holy Cow, it's September 1? Where on earth did this summer go? I feel like just yesterday I was excited that the trees were blooming, the grass was green and a summer of swimming, boat drinks, concerts and fun was ahead of me. Now it's school zones, yellow buses, cool nights and the dreadful fear that highs in the 40s are approaching.

I mean, it was less than a month ago I was at the Jimmy Buffet concert here in Cincinnati. I think that's what it is, the concert was way too late in the summer this year and I feel like it just jump started my summer.

Usually Jimmy Buffet plays in June or even early July, but this year it wasn't until August. I mean, a Buffet concert at any time of the year is great, but here in Cincinnati it's a movement. Millions of parrot heads flock down to Riverbend to wear hula skirts, bikinis, drink margaritas and forget that their is life outside of Margaritaville.

If you're not a fan of Buffet you just don't get. You are confused why middle aged men wear grass skirts, woman wear coconut bras and peeing in the lawn is acceptable. But if you are a fan, you know that drinking at 7A, taking shots with your fellow lot mates, wearing nothing more than a parrot head speedo and much more is nothing out of the ordinary.

As a 28 year old, I'm not necessarily in the main Buffet target. The majority of his fans are middle aged party goers who in their prime, were pretty much as awesome as me!! JK. But there are a lot of Buffet fans. A lot of people ask why I'm a Buffet Fan, so few reasons below:

1. I grew up listening to Buffet and it reminds me of beach days and dancing as a child.
2. Buffet LOVES Cincinnati. Not only is "Fins" about Cincinnati but the whole Parrotheads actually started here in Cincinnati when he performed at Kings Island.
3. His music makes me crave an ice cold beer and boat drink and automatically brings me to warm weather, even if it's the middle of February.
4. He's a pilot and leads a lifestyle I would want to live.
5. He's done so well not only as a musician, but a business man creating Margaritaville, LandShark and much more!

I can definitely say it's the highlight of my summer going to Buffet and each year I look forward to it. Someday I will make a show of his in a tropical island and be in heaven!

Anyway, to my original point I"m not ready for Fall or Winter. I feel like I woke up and when "Dude, where's my summer gone?"

The Secret Word!!!

One of my favorite shows to watch as a kid was Pee Wee's Playhouse. I can remember every Saturday morning at 10AM sitting down to watch it. You may be wondering what sort of crazy thoughts am I having today that made me want to blog about Pee Wee's Playhouse- right?

Well, it's not that I was dreaming of going to a dirty movie , but my friend, Paul, reminded me today that it's fun to just be a kid sometimes. So we started talking about Penny from Pee Wee's Playhouse. She was my all time favorite character on the show! She resembles me in ways, other than the pennies for eyes (Duh!) But her whole deal was talking about cute random things and just rambling on and on about them. Like a little kid does or like how I tell stories and blurt out totally random things. See her clip here telling us how to make toast. So darn cute!

Then there was Chairry, the talking blue recliner. I LOVED her too! She was so cute and just loved to snuggle up Pee Wee when he sat in her. I mean, who wouldn't want a chair that snuggled you and kept you warm and safe? I would spend a lot of money for a chair that did that and occasionally would give me life lessons. I wonder what Chairry did if Pee Wee farted on her?

Then there was the toilet looking chair that sat next to Chairry, I guess his name was Dog Chair. He played no real big part other than to give me nightmares and be afraid to use the potty in the dark as a kid.

Other than Penny, who didn't love Conky. He dispensed the best part about the show, THE SECRET WORD!!! The word of the day that whenever it was said everyone went crazy and I even went crazy at home. They were words like, bang, keyboard, bird, etc. I think we should implement that into our everyday lives. Be like, every time someone says the work ship today I'm going to get really really excited. Try it, see if people are freaked out by you.

So when you get overwhelmed thikg about being a kid. Pee Wee's Playhouse reminds me of those fun Saturday mornings eating cereal in front of the TV and looking forward to playing in the neighborhood with my friends. Nothing got my day started off better than the opening credits to Pee Wee Herman!