Happy April Fool's Day

I saw this ad the other day and it made me laugh. It's April Fool's Day and I could put a good joke in here but I got nothing so instead enjoy this joke.

Rough Rider

The trend in jeans for awhile was to keep things low, low riders, hip huggers, butt crack viewers, etc. I'm going to admit I struggle with this too, because a lot of jeans I put on I love but when I bend over without a belt everyone can view my moneymaker.

Well, a Japanese fashion designer has come up with a solution, the Bikini Jean! She designed this lovely fashion jean because women complained about having trouble keeping their low rise jeans up, so she created a pair that acts as underwear and jeans.

If you want a pair you can get them for the low price of $88. I'm not sure I'd really want to rock these out in public and can only imagine how painful they might be on your lady parts - GROSS!

Remember ladies, not every trend is for everyone as this lady show us below.

Ballpark Concessions

So I'm dreaming of the Reds Opening Day and warm afternoons with cold beer, bad food and a great game of baseball in front of me - can you blame me, it's the dead of winter here in Cincinnati. One of my favorite things about going to ball games is the food, nothing taste better than a ball park weenie smothered in mustard and ketchup and so delicately wrapped in the aluminum foil. Of course there are also things like soft serve ice cream, cotton candy, corndogs, popcorn and any other type of concession type food to tempt you.

Well, thanks to my friend Rob I learned last year a stadium in Michigan introduced a heart attack on a plate, the Fifth Third Burger , to their menu. This year they are allowing fans to vote on the next unhealthy item to be added to the menu. All of them sound absolutely disgusting, but the sad part is I could see myself at a game and ordering one of these ridiculous items just because I have to - and then I would end up loving it and having night sweats thinking about the next time I get to indulge in it. I've pulled the items from the West Michigan White Caps website below so you can get a feeling what I'm talking about.

1. Chicken and Waffles - Why did the chicken cross the road? To lie down on a bed of waffles, get smothered in gravy and get eaten by you, of course!
   
2. Chili Mac Tacos - Think comfort food that took a trip to Mexico. Creamy mac and cheese is smothered in chili then loaded into a hard taco shell to create a taste experience that won't soon be forgotten.
   
3. Chocolate Covered Bacon - This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and this little piggy dunked itself in chocolate to become a delicious treat for Whitecaps fans!


4. Corn Dog o' Plenty - If the Idaho Christmas Tree isn't enough corndog for you then try the Corn Dog o' Plenty. A full half-pound, footlong frank that is battered and deep fried to make one gigantic corn dog.


5. Cudighi Yooper Sandwich - If you don't know what this one is then you haven't been to the Upper Peninsula. Cudighi is a spicy sausage found throughout the U.P. and we might bring it down to West Michigan. A sausage patty, smothered in cheese, pizza sauce, peppers and onions could grace the concession stands of Fifth Third Ballpark.


6. Declaration of Indigestion - When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to disband from the tyranny of healthy eating, they should consume the Declaration of Indigestion. You see, all sandwiches are not created equal as this half-pound, footlong hot dog is covered in a philly cheese steak (steak, cheese, peppers and onions) and served on a gigantic sub roll. It is certainly your unalienable right to consume one of these in the pursuit of happiness.
   
7. Idaho Christmas Tree - Why waste your time eating all of your favorite items separately? This is a batter-dipped hot dog rolled in french fries and deep fried to create the perfect limbed link on stick.
   
8. Poutin - A real treat from North of the border. The French Canadians have done it again, and this time with gravy. Fries, fried cheese curds and gravy make up this delectable side dish. Tres bien!
   
9. The Pink Panther - Not sure if this guy is named after the famous detective or the insulation, but either way it's delicious. Take a hot dog bun, slather it in icing and fill it with pink cotton candy. Maybe drizzle some root beer syrup over the top for good measure. It's the dessert dog you'll have to try this summer!


10. Twinkie Cheese Dog - This dog can survive any disaster and it might cause a few of its own. Simple - a hot dog laid in a Twinkie covered in cheese. Yum.

Ok, did those just make your heart stop reading them? All of them sound just disgusting to me, especially anything that is covered in gravy - NO THANK YOU! The Pink Panther is just disturbing and made my teeth feel like they might fall out from all the sugar. I mean straight Root Beer Syrup, there is a reason it's mixed with carbonated water people!

Now, if I had to choose one item to add to the menu I would pick the Corn Dog O Plenty! I love corndogs, even the cute mini ones that bars now serve. Nothing is gross about this concoction except, it's basically a footlong corndog instead of a footlong cheese coney. However, according to the poll the Declaration of Independence is winning with my Corn Dog receiving a mere 1% of votes.

You can vote here and also be glad that you don't live near West Michigan and will continue to only see normal items on your concession menu that don't require a jump start to your heart after eating them.

What Would You Say?

I haven’t mention Paul recently, but he gave me this great idea for a blog the other day. We were working out in the back room at work and the conversation about Navy Seals came up. Basically, we were talking about how tough they are and the training they have to go through. The term “SEAL” comes from their mission to be able to operate anywhere in the world: Sea, Air, and Land –I mean that just shows they are trained and able to conquer anything!

One caveat, you must be a male to be a Navy Seal. At first I was curious why can’t a female be a Navy Seal so I did a lot of research and the best answer I came up with can be found here – but the gist is men are stronger, personal hygiene reasons and physical capabilities. Even though I’m all about equality it makes sense to me and probably is accurate. Other thing, you have to be ready to get your butt kicked for months on end. Click here to learn more about it but if carrying logs, 4 hours of sleep in 5 days, working out in freezing water temperatures and basically self torture are things you are into then this it the job for you!

So why is all this talk of Navy Seals leading into the point of my blog – well Navy Seals have a lot of motto's, such as "The only easy day was yesterday!" After talking about all the stuff they do and how everything is so extreme, it was brought up that they do everything hotter and wetter. Of course we got a good laugh out of this one and a good “that’s what she said”. And the next thing you know we were talking about how that should be a bumper sticker on my car, “I do everything hotter and wetter”.

Car bumper stickers, whatever happened to those? Personally, I’m not a big fan of promoting things on my car but sometimes it is acceptable. For example, having a college sticker when you are in college on your car. Things I don’t find acceptable: political or religious view bumper stickers, bumper stickers letting me know you child is a straight A student or stickers telling me your opinion on war. Apparently others don’t like political stickers either, it can get you kicked out of events!

However, if I were forced to select a bumper sticker it would be a reflection of our conversation around Navy Seals – I do everything hotter and wetter. Imagine the conversation people would have about that when they pulled up behind me. Then when they drive by and glance at the crazy person with this sticker they come to find a normal looking girl probably wearing workout clothes and a sweaty headband.

Just for kicks, the picture below is a bumper sticker I found online. It is true and cracks me up, anyone I know with a truck and I’m moving I’m gonna hit you up! What would your bumper sticker say?

Does He Exist- The Lizard Man?

This could quite possibly be the blog that you read and are like,WTF, I knew you were weird but now I’m just concerned you are on drugs. I’ve had this debate a few times in the past years but yesterday I got talking about this in the office and my curiosity got the best of me and I had to do some digging. So here it goes, the story, the research and my conclusion.

As a kid we always traveled to Kiawah Island every summer for two weeks. We would go to Charleston, hang on the beach, golf, alligator hunt, crab, fish and hang out as a family. This was long before Kiawah became popular and is now a hot spot and full of hotels. I can remember one summer we were there and there was all this talk about the “Lizard Man.” People were told to watch out for this monster because he has been known to eat license plates and small dogs and scare locals and tourist alike. As kids, we were really scared of this and convinced ourselves he existed and even went out and got the T-Shirts to prove it to our friends back home.

So, of course yesterday over lunch I begin to share this story and my belief in this monster and everyone was puzzled. They had never heard of this monster. They were convinced I was thinking of “The Swamp Thing” but I knew it wasn't the Swamp Thing but something else, I can remember seeing it on Unsolved Mysteries. Which I’d like to make a note about here – if this is your strongest point in your argument at the time you discuss it you need to do more research. This just made me seem crazier than before when I began to discuss the red eyed car eating lizard that stalked us this summer as a kid. But, I knew it was for real and I hadn’t made this up so I had to do some research.

First research, calling my brother. Who when I immediately asked him about that summer his response was, “yeah, I forget the name of it but I once watched an episode on it on MonsterQuest- it scratched peoples cars and left bite marks that left people baffled!” Now folks, you may think I’m exaggerating his response and he didn’t say the word MonsterQuest or baffled but it’s true- both of them, and yes he is 29. He then went on to add how we both bought T-Shirts and were scared driving at night down the deserted roads from Charleston to Kiawah. (Again, this was before the Ryder Cup was played there and Kiawah became a hot spot)

Bingo, this first lifeline or research contact lead me to my next place to look – MonsterQuest. At first I didn’t find anything other the the Swamp Thing footage until I noticed a file that said “MonsterQuest Cold Case – The Lizard Man” and BAM, I found his name and some footage. Click here to check out some monsters on the show (you will have to search Lizard Man to find the videos I reference).

Then of course, Paul, told me nothing is real unless it’s on WikiPedia and now that I have the name of this monster I look it up and BAM, here it is! Exactly as I had described: The Lizard Man is described as being 7 feet tall, bipedal and well built, with green scaly skin and glowing red eyes. It is said to have three toes on each foot and three fingers on each hand which end in a circular pad on them that stick to walls. The creature has an incredible degree of strength, more than capable of ripping into a car. – EXACTLY as I described in my discussions.

Well, then wouldn’t you know it I see a link at the bottom of the Wikipedia explanation to a CNN Video! WHAT? I thought my Unsolved Mysteries was a good argument but the fact that my monster has made CNN? Check out the video here! I have slowly built a case that this is a real thing, the T-Shirt I bought did exist, that monsters may be out there, that the Lizard Man did eat license plates, stalked people that summer in South Carolina and I am not just a crazy lady who believed in a story I was told as a little girl.

So what all began in 1988, when I was 7, as a car getting mauled and 10 eye witnesses claiming they saw this monster has developed 20 years later to another car mauling with blood left behind. Unfortunately the blood was contaminated and could not be identified to a certain species, but that may tell us something. I’m not saying I believe or don’t believe in this monster, but it’s somewhat been haunting my life since a little kid. All I'm saying is even if I tell you a crazy wild weird story and I swear it is true, believe me, because I will find the proof that I'm not crazy and it may exist. And, if you are driving through South Carolina and you have the expensive license plates, vanity plates, you may want to rethink your way - just sayin!

I Hairdly Recognized You

Wow, that title is sooo cheesy but amazing all at the same time.

I came across this video in my YouTube subscriptions and almost fell out of my chair laughing . It’s not so much the video but the crowds reactions that got me.

First of all, I also want to know who went to this event? Why on earth would you go to see this? I guess that’s why the crowds reactions are so hilarious and enthusiastic a the freelance beard. Listen closely, the best is the man screaming like a little girl “It opened, it opened”!

On a side note. I’m off to Tampa tomorrow morning for work and then Austin, TX for family time with Jim’s family and some college football. So, if you can stand it, you will have to go all weekend without me!