Ballpark Concessions

So I'm dreaming of the Reds Opening Day and warm afternoons with cold beer, bad food and a great game of baseball in front of me - can you blame me, it's the dead of winter here in Cincinnati. One of my favorite things about going to ball games is the food, nothing taste better than a ball park weenie smothered in mustard and ketchup and so delicately wrapped in the aluminum foil. Of course there are also things like soft serve ice cream, cotton candy, corndogs, popcorn and any other type of concession type food to tempt you.

Well, thanks to my friend Rob I learned last year a stadium in Michigan introduced a heart attack on a plate, the Fifth Third Burger , to their menu. This year they are allowing fans to vote on the next unhealthy item to be added to the menu. All of them sound absolutely disgusting, but the sad part is I could see myself at a game and ordering one of these ridiculous items just because I have to - and then I would end up loving it and having night sweats thinking about the next time I get to indulge in it. I've pulled the items from the West Michigan White Caps website below so you can get a feeling what I'm talking about.

1. Chicken and Waffles - Why did the chicken cross the road? To lie down on a bed of waffles, get smothered in gravy and get eaten by you, of course!
   
2. Chili Mac Tacos - Think comfort food that took a trip to Mexico. Creamy mac and cheese is smothered in chili then loaded into a hard taco shell to create a taste experience that won't soon be forgotten.
   
3. Chocolate Covered Bacon - This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and this little piggy dunked itself in chocolate to become a delicious treat for Whitecaps fans!


4. Corn Dog o' Plenty - If the Idaho Christmas Tree isn't enough corndog for you then try the Corn Dog o' Plenty. A full half-pound, footlong frank that is battered and deep fried to make one gigantic corn dog.


5. Cudighi Yooper Sandwich - If you don't know what this one is then you haven't been to the Upper Peninsula. Cudighi is a spicy sausage found throughout the U.P. and we might bring it down to West Michigan. A sausage patty, smothered in cheese, pizza sauce, peppers and onions could grace the concession stands of Fifth Third Ballpark.


6. Declaration of Indigestion - When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to disband from the tyranny of healthy eating, they should consume the Declaration of Indigestion. You see, all sandwiches are not created equal as this half-pound, footlong hot dog is covered in a philly cheese steak (steak, cheese, peppers and onions) and served on a gigantic sub roll. It is certainly your unalienable right to consume one of these in the pursuit of happiness.
   
7. Idaho Christmas Tree - Why waste your time eating all of your favorite items separately? This is a batter-dipped hot dog rolled in french fries and deep fried to create the perfect limbed link on stick.
   
8. Poutin - A real treat from North of the border. The French Canadians have done it again, and this time with gravy. Fries, fried cheese curds and gravy make up this delectable side dish. Tres bien!
   
9. The Pink Panther - Not sure if this guy is named after the famous detective or the insulation, but either way it's delicious. Take a hot dog bun, slather it in icing and fill it with pink cotton candy. Maybe drizzle some root beer syrup over the top for good measure. It's the dessert dog you'll have to try this summer!


10. Twinkie Cheese Dog - This dog can survive any disaster and it might cause a few of its own. Simple - a hot dog laid in a Twinkie covered in cheese. Yum.

Ok, did those just make your heart stop reading them? All of them sound just disgusting to me, especially anything that is covered in gravy - NO THANK YOU! The Pink Panther is just disturbing and made my teeth feel like they might fall out from all the sugar. I mean straight Root Beer Syrup, there is a reason it's mixed with carbonated water people!

Now, if I had to choose one item to add to the menu I would pick the Corn Dog O Plenty! I love corndogs, even the cute mini ones that bars now serve. Nothing is gross about this concoction except, it's basically a footlong corndog instead of a footlong cheese coney. However, according to the poll the Declaration of Independence is winning with my Corn Dog receiving a mere 1% of votes.

You can vote here and also be glad that you don't live near West Michigan and will continue to only see normal items on your concession menu that don't require a jump start to your heart after eating them.